Dissonance
by JustLikePagliacciDid
Summary: Shinji has been given an opportunity, a chance to periodically jump back in time and prevent Third Impact. However, strange forces are bent on insuring the apocalypse. Who is to say they are wrong...? SxR
1. One

One.

-

"Do you hear it?" asked the low, wheezing voice.

Shinji took a step forward, toward her. "What is it?"

"You do not hear it."

"I want to help you."

Suddenly, a shape moved in the darkness. Two red eyes gleamed for the shadows.

A click. The hammer being drawn back. A cold, metal object, applied to Shinji's forehead. The gun.

Thunder.

- - -

Shinji's eyes opened wide. It was that damn dream again, just like the previous nights. Every night, since the Beach. The Bus, long since derelict, was just as he had left it. Asuka sat in a seat across the aisle. Outside, the rain pounded on. Shinji went into the privy, in the back of the bus. Having done his business, he went outside to find Asuka awake. They acknowledged each other briefly, and settled back into their makeshift beds. Their home; an abandoned bus in the highway. Tomorrow, their wanderings would continue.

There was prolonged quiet.

"Shinji?"

"Yes?"

"I haven't – umm… never mind."

Shinji glanced at her, then returned to sleep. Asuka would not share anything unless she wanted to share it. Shinji fell into a mercifully dreamless sleep.

- ---

Why go on living? No reason, really. Neither really had the courage to die.

---

Shinji was reminded of his long journey to Tokyo-3, at the Beginning. They were on a desolate highway, ruinous buildings in either direction. The sky had taken on a permanent sickly red hue, same color as the sea… the ground… and blood. Shinji glanced at his bandaged hand.

"We should change the dressing on that," said Asuka. Shinji assented, and let her tie a fresh white cloth. At that moment, she tried again.

"It's just that- that-"

She didn't finish the sentence. Shinji didn't press her.

-

Another ruined city. They did not even bother checking the name. Sitting on the park bench, surrounded by dead grass, they took lunch. They'd changed. The World had moved on. They were alone, wandering a desolate earth. For what sin were they atoning?

As they ate, Asuka tried once more.

"Shinji, you remember- you remember… never mind."

Shinji sighed, softly. How long? She must have been doing this for past fifty miles.

Then, things changed. It started as a gentle whirr, then a roar. They turned their faces to the sky, those two forsaken souls, and saw above them one of the ancient machines of the previous age; a helicopter, they recalled its name. Asuka's reaction was instant and animated. Reaching into her backpack, she removed an ancient device, not really a weapon, but a tool. Pointing it to the sky, she shielded her eyes from the flash. A flare split the twilight.

Rescue. Rescue from what? Rescued to go where?

In the back of the chopper, crowded in with six other people, those forsaken souls waited. Asuka was half apprehensive, half euphoric; rescue, rescue at last! Food, fresh water, and a bath, it would be wonderful! After so many… weeks? Months? Years? Rescue!

Shinji was near the front, and maintained composure. But over that radio, he heard a familiar voice.

"Well, we'll register them when you get back. Head back to base, ASAP," said the familiar female voice.

Before the pilot could respond, however, Shinji seized the radio and croaked into it: "Misato?"

-


	2. Two

Two.

-

"You cannot condemn a man for what may only be a figment of your own imagination."

- Stephen King

"Shinji!" cried Misato, and embraced him. Shinji was distantly aware of Asuka being pulled into the hug as well. He slowly returned the gesture.

"He's suffering from minor Tokyo Syndrome," a familiar yet implacable voice said, somewhere, to someone else. "As for Asuka, I have no idea."

Shinji disregarded this, and melted into Misato's embrace. He hadn't felt anything like it, anything maternal and kind, for a long, long while.

---

"We're going to get you settled in," said Misato, cheerily. They were in the New Fortress. "It was built before the Third Angel, designed as a backup in the event of an Angelic victory in Tokyo 3."

"To fight a hopeless war," said Shinji, softly.

There was an uncomfortable pause.

"Where is Asuka?" asked Shinji.

"Something was off with her medical scans," replied Misato. "Ritsuko is doing further tests. It's nothing to worry about."

_Can Shinji really believe that?_

And the desolate hallways rolled past.

---

They did not understand. Rei did. She sat, slumped against a wall, in an old concrete building. They would start dieing soon. She was clothed in shadows, the only Child… perhaps.

Rei just laid there, arms loose at her side. To try again…

---

Shinji looked out over his new home. It looked suspiciously like his old one. Misato was searching through the closet for something.

"Feel free to sit down, Shinji," she called. "I'll be right there."

Shinji sat. He felt strangely uncomfortable in this place; as if it were a site associated with terrible memories. After a long while, Misato emerged from the closet, looking somewhat dusty. She carried with her a familiarly-shaped case.

"It's your cello, Shinji."

Odd.

---

Asuka looked at the medical report. It confimed what she already knew. It was a somber moment, in that doctor's office.

"Asuka-" began Ritsuko.

"Is there any way to stop it?"

"No-"

"Why not?"

"Well… the old procedures… are now ineffective, we've found. It's some sort of mutation, caused by the radiation."

Asuka looked strange, eyes curtained by her red hair. It had reached her waste, during her long wanderings.

"Asuka-"

"Shut up," she hissed. There was a shade of her old anger in her voice.

"We-"

"I said SHUT UP!" shouted Asuka. She fled the room.

Ritsuko sighed.

-

Rei prowled the balcony. Nothing, nothing would work! She had become desynched, somehow. Maybe… just maybe…

She descended into the dark heart of her new home, barely acknowledging the intelligent few who lived in the warehouse with her. She descended deep into the heart of the compound, into the gigantic underground basement, designed to contain the most powerful weapons ever conceived by man. Or rather, what was, at the time of construction, believed to be the most powerful weapons developed by man. Now, it contained the last Evangelion.

Last Ditch Maneuver.

-

Asuka hadn't realized she was asleep, when the voice came. "Worlds, worlds, beyond our own," the childish voice had whispered. "Horrors here and there, things to sicken and scare. Are you ready to roll? Are you ready to face thunder and live? Are you ready for agony beyond any felt before?"

Asuka looked down the balcony, shortly before she descended towards Misato's underground apartment. "I'm not ready for anything anymore."

"Blue."


	3. Three

Three.

\+\x\x-\y

Shinji stared at the cello case from across the room. He had not touched it since Misato presented it to him. Why not? He had no real reason. He had the strange feeling as if he could draw nothing but dissonant notes from it. He had not tried, and he sensed he never would try; not as long as the world was like this. Harmony meant nothing, not anymore. He drifted off into a deep sleep.

Hours later, Misato and Asuka returned through the front door. Asuka looked at Shinji for a long time, sleeping as he was on the couch. For a short while, she joined him there. Finally, Misato picked him up and carried Shinji to his room.

-

Rei concentrated. The dissonance was getting louder, and only she could hear it. It was driving her crazy; it compelled her to keep a gun in her uniform. Commander Ikari was standing a ways off.

"Try again," he said, coldly.

And so Rei tried again. She had to open the door. She had to open the door. She had to open the door… The orange LCL of the entry plug swirled around her. It got like that, sometimes. She could hear the strain in the Evangelion, adding to the cacophony.

xz-\

Shinji dreamt it again. Rei. The shadows. The gun. His own blood, running into his eyes. Rei's grinning face. Shinji sat up, fear coursing through his veins. He remembered the cosmic terror felt in the heart of Third Impact. It was nothing compared to this. He realized he could hear breathing beside him, in his bed. Looking over the sheets, he saw a familiar girl with a shock of red hair sitting next to him. He shook Asuka awake with a sigh.

"Asuka, you can't sleep in my bed. We've been over this. Go back to your room."

She gave him a venomous look, then laid her head back on the pillow. Resigned, Shinji went back to sleep, putting as much space between himself and Asuka as humanly possible. When he awoke, Asuka was still there, murmuring something in her sleep.

-\m'\

Asuka put the knife down, when she heard Misato awaking. Replacing the blade in the drawer, Asuka turned and saw not Misato but Rei. The girl seemed to have grown a few inches. More than a few.

Asuka began to speak, feeling a bit of the old disdain in her heart. "So, it's the doll again. Where've you been?"

"Why don't you do it?" asked Rei, almost seductively.

"Do what?"

"Press the knife to your wrist. Slicing vertically is more effective…"

"I wasn't going to kill myself!" hissed Asuka.

"Yes, you were," whispered the girl. "And take the other down with you."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You could hang yourself," intoned Rei. "Suitably theatrical, very painful. But any way is as good as another…"

"Stop talking about suicide!" shouted Asuka.

Rei walked over to Misato's room. Following without knowing why, Asuka was surprised to find it empty. Rei opened a drawer in Misato's desk and pulled out a magnum handgun.

"Applied to the head," said Rei. "Also theatrical, but not as painful," she said, serenely.

"I'm not going to kill myself!"

"Ah, but you want to. It would be so easy, just to let go and let the fade, to abandon everything and disappear beyond the gates of Death. So why not let go?"

"I don't want to die," Asuka yelled, but with somewhat less conviction.

Rei produced a bottle of pills. "Or just sleep for eternity, little girl, and join your mother in the stars."

Asuka collapsed to her knees. "Shinji! Help me!"

Why she called for him… she did not know.

\;\x

Shinji hurried to Asuka's side, upon hearing her scream. She was curled up in a corner of the bed, eyes wide and frightened.

"Asuka, what's wrong?"

"No one can help," whispered Asuka. "Not Misato, not Ritsuko, not you."

"Please, Asuka, tell me what's wrong!"

She turned to him, almost angry. "Don't remember? The beach, the blood? Humans are animals, Shinji, never forget that, and our only objective is survival. That is the root of all our motivations."

y\-x\x\+\


	4. Four

"Four."

a-ss-xli-3/

Shinji looked out the window, dispassionately. Asuka and Misato were exchanging a whispered conversation.

"You have to tell him, Asuka," Misato murmured.

"No I don't," replied Asuka, obnoxiously.

"He's going to notice…"

"Not yet."

"Asuka, the sooner you tell, the easier it will be."

"And how are you to tell me that?" demanded Asuka. "Have you ever been in my position?"

"No, but-"

Asuka cut her off with an indistinct 'hmph' and turned away. Misato sighed. Children could be so difficult.

-xc/

It required a certain degree of creative vision.

Rei was drawing shapes on the ground. Or, more accurately, was drawing a door in the mud. She did not have the key; she would soon, though. For that matter, if she had the key, the door would already have been drawn. The door was being drawn now, so soon, she would have the key.

The boy, the second-rate spare, was standing, concealed in the shadows. A bulky shape, with spiky dark hair and two shadowed eyes.

"I hope you remember your part of the bargain," he said, through his rather irritating accent. Rei glanced over her shoulder.

"Of course, Suzahara," she replied.

She completed the last part of the door – the keyhole. The mud solidified, transmuted, turning into a construct of wood and metal. A door. But more than a door.

"Give it to me," said Rei, coldly. Suzahara searched her face, just for a few moments, then handed a wooden key to her. Rei dropped to her knees, inserted the key, and opened the door. Behind it was not mud, as there should have been, but instead an inky infinite blackness; like the night sky; a night sky devoid of stars.

"Well?" asked Toji.

"The door needs to be opened by Ikari and Sohryu," she said, simply. "That has been set into motion. For now… we must keep this open."

Rei pulled a knife from her jacket. Pulling back a sleeve, she made a clean, horizontal cut on her arm. She impassively watched the gentle red flow; no emotion, no feeling. She felt pain, yet did not, for she was beyond it. The blood fell away into the purple-black shadows.

"So, you all gothic now?" asked Toji, darkly.

"It is beyond your ability to comprehend."

After a few minutes, she took a white cloth from her coat and dressed the injury, betraying no pain. She climbed to her feet, and began to leave the room. "Go from here, Suzahara."

-

Commander Ikari was sitting behind his desk.

"Has the door been opened?"

"Yes. However, the Third and Second Children have yet to open the other door."

"I see."

-

Standing on the balcony, Asuka looked up at the sky, though there were few stars to see. She remembered a photo she had seen of the earth from thousands of miles into the shadowy depths of space. It looked like an unremarkable blue dot. Wasn't it odd, that the entire width and breadth of human experience could be contained in twenty-odd pixels on a screen?

Misato was watching her, from inside the apartment.

"Asuka-"

"I'm going to tell him."

"Why not now?"

Asuka tried to muster her old wrath, her old pride. Where was it? Dead. Dead with the world.

-z/s-d

Shinji was three-quarters asleep, when Asuka came in. He saw her as a dark shape with a red head at first; then the connections were made. He began to speak.

"You have a room, Asuka."

"Not for much longer," she said, bitterly.

"What?"

"We'll be staying together soon, Shinji," she said, the venom in her voice growing stronger. "Come together for the children, isn't that it?"

"Asuka, you're not making sense."

Suddenly she grabbed him by the collar, drawing his face close to hers.

"Don't you remember, you dumbass? The first night after we woke up on the beach?"

Shinji stared at her crazed eyes for a moment, then looked away. "You know I don't?"

"You don't remember the blood?"

Shinji continued to look away. "No."

"It was the blood from my hymen, you idiot!" she screamed at him. "We rutted like animals, that night!"

Shinji's eyes widened. "But-"

"That's right! How does it feel, Ikari, to be a father at age sixteen? Even your dad wasn't that bad!"

Shinji hated that. He hated being compared to his father. He hated it when she called him Ikari.

Almost without meaning to, he struck her across the face.


	5. Five

"Five."

xx.a/s$

Asuka still had a slight mark on her cheek. Misato quietly thought that Asuka deserved it; no one deserved to be compared to Gendo, especially not Shinji. However, Misato had to do something. So she grounded Shinji. However, given that he was suffering from Tokyo Syndrome, this may not have been effective. TSers tended to enjoy isolation.

"I'll be fat," muttered Asuka.

Misato sighed. "Asuka, I know you're not nearly ready for this, but we have to stay strong. I'm sure it will be rewarding."

Asuka cast Misato a venomous look. Misato sighed.

-

She floated over Mars, after a long journey, arms outstretched. And soon she would return the way she came, because her son needed her.

-

"Every land we reach is dead," said Misato, softly. The telemetry from the automated drone played on the monitor. The bridge staff watched, dumbfounded. There was nothing, save endless ruins.

"Isn't it odd," muttered Ritsuko, "That Japan has the only survivors?"

-

Once again, it required a certain creative vision.

Rei had to carve a spiral. It's what her vision told her. Jerking a knife across her flesh was easy, but carving a circle was tricky, and a spiral... But a spiral it had to be, and a spiral it was, carved into her arm. Blood was flowing easily now, into the black void. Rei began to feel faint.

At last, she felt she could stop. She applied iodine to the injury, then bandaged it. She was collecting a rather impressive series of scars along her arm. Would that not be a wondrous thing to show the younger Ikari? _Ikari, it has been a long time. Look at my arm, Ikari the younger, and see the sacrifice I have made. And horror will play across his face._

Leaving the dark room, Rei sought the safety of her quarters. There were a great many people underground, she knew. All hiding from the silent killer above ground.

Commander Ikari was waiting for her. He was orchestrating the battle plan, as usual. Even with defeat looming on the horizon, he maintained his composure.

"Is the gate still open?" he asked, coldly.

"Yes, sir."

"Good. I will see you later."

-

If Shinji noticed Asuka entering, he didn't show it. He was looking at the cello case, as if waiting for some sign. Asuka looked at him, sharply.

"Are you ever going to touch that thing again?"

"Probably not."

Asuka didn't reply for a while. It sounded like she was getting something to eat. Being pregnant had its upshots: extra rations. Asuka was not the sort to consider those who might be going hungry. She then said something that left in an impression on Shinji.

"That's sad."

That night, Asuka slept in his bed, but Shinji didn't protest. He figured he had no right to do so.

-

"Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives."

-A. Sachs


	6. Six

"Six"

a/cp2-

When Shinji awoke, he saw a different world. It was not the same as the one he left. There was a blue sky outside his window. There were green trees. It was an unfamiliar ceiling. _An unfamiliar ceiling…_

He heard something; a cart, perhaps. Then, the door opened, and a girl came in who he knew very well.

"Ikari," she said, simply. Shinji was dumbfounded.

"Ay- Ayanami?"

Ayanami had wheeled in a cart with hospital food aboard. She gave some to Shinji, then took a small notebook from her pocket. "I have come to brief you on the operation. At fifteen hundred hours this afternoon, we will both report to the Eva cage to prepare for the operation. At nineteen hundred hours, the operation will commence."

"But-"

"If you do not wish to participate in this operation, the data for Unit 01 can be rewritten."

Shinji looked away. Ayanami left.

-

Shinji recalled this event very well. Very well indeed. He would fire the shot, the Angel would fire back. Ayanami would get between him and the target, and would be badly injured. So things went.

But maybe… he could make things go differently.

The angel floated over the earth, drill embedded in the earth. Ayanami stood ready with the shield, Shinji with the rifle. If he recalled correctly, the angel would fire when he fired, misdirecting the shot. So, if he could correct for that, he could change things…

Shinji never stopped to consider that he was demolishing a pillar of time.

-

The beam spiraled off course. The angel began to retaliate. Rei was moving in the way…

Shinji did not fully remember why he did it. He simply jumped up and ran towards the Angel, knife in hand. The shot sliced towards him; he leapt it in a clean, easy motion. He was moving much faster now, smashing foliage under foot. The beam passed again; Shinji evaded it. With a might leap, he was upon the angel, ripping into its metal flesh with his knife.

Inside a command center, a cigarette fell from a mouth. "But- that's imposs-imposs- it would take years of training to do that-"

"Ayanami!" Misato shouted into radio. "Take the shot!"

Shinji jumped back just in time to evade the particle beam. And then there was an explosion, and everything went black.

-

"Holy sh-" whispered Ritsuko. Rising from the ground was bizarre white pillar, glowing harshly in the evening light. It consumed Unit 01, and then dissipated.

-

He was lying in the entry plug of Unit 01, half dead. Someone suddenly opened the entry plug door. Rei was standing there, looking down on him. She climbed down into the ankle-deep LCL and helped Shinji leave.

"Tell me, Ikari," she said, in her familiar monotone. "Why did you defy operational orders?"

"You would have been hurt," Shinji wheezed.

-

Rei felt the shock the moment it happened. Deep underground in a world remote in both space and time, she felt the fabric of time begin to rearrange itself to accommodate an altered event. She felt the tremor, then ran, ran as she had never run before! Into the deep dark chamber she fled, the door laying open before her. She drew the knife, pulled back her sleeve, and made a cut on her arm. Blood flowed freely into the abyss. _Look at my sacrifice, Ikari, but all you see is blood._

-

When Shinji awoke, he had returned to the present… or was he in the future? The past was just the present that had slipped by. Asuka was lying beside him, abandoned on the far side of the bed. Shinji began to climb to his feet, trying to dismiss the vivid dream.

"You were whispering _her_ name," Asuka said, venomously.

Shinji sighed. "What name, Asuka?"

"Rei," she hissed. "When we rutted on that beach, you cried out her name, you bastard." She fell into her angry, unresponsive silence, as she did these days. Shinji left the room.


	7. Seven

"Seven"

0-xs/033

"_The only power denied to God: The power to undo the past."  
-Agathon_

"_The World is full of people whose notion of a satisfactory future is, in fact, a returned to an idealized past."  
-Robert Davies_

Shinji and Rei were lying in a bed, both naked. Rei was idly tracing a pattern in the peach fuzz on Shinji's chest. They'd spent the night together.

"That was wrong," said Shinji, distantly.

"I know," replied Rei. It seemed to Asuka that Rei had grown a few inches. Asuka also found that she had no body, all she had was disembodied sight.

"Then why did you let me do that?" asked Shinji, in the same tone. "What if-"

"Because I desired it."

-

Another possibility, another future. Shinji just lay there, a gunshot wound in his head. Asuka took a step back. Stepping forth from the shadows was Rei, red eyes empty. She had a magnum in one hand, and a knife in the other. Her coat was splattered with blood.

"I apologize, Sorhyu, but you have become an unnecessary variable."

Bang.

-

Asuka saw infinite possibilities. But in all timelines, she reached one point, one day in the future, and beyond that… nothing. An infinite dark sea. _"… the Spirit of God was brooding upon the waters."_

And finally, Asuka woke up. She'd seen these futures, one after another, every night she slept next to Shinji. She meant to tell him about them, but she'd always forget them.

-

Meanwhile, somewhen, somewhere, Shinji was leaving the hospital. It was another bright day; the sun seemed to be everywhere in the sky, shining an unpleasant omnipotent _(whiteness)_ light on everything. And two pairs of red eyes were watching. One from the present, and one from the past.

Past-Ayanami stepped silently forward. She had a way like that, gliding silently through the dark corridors.

"Ikari," she said.

"Ayanami." Acknowledged Shinji.

They walked in silence, for a time.

"Ikari?"

"Y-yes?"

"Why did you endanger yourself for me?"

"Because… I care."

She considered this. "You have acting differently, Ikari, since you awoke."

Shinji did not know how to reply to that. He simply considered what he wanted to do next. He could stop Third Impact, he knew it!

"Ayanami…"

"Yes, Ikari?"

The execution is never as easy as the planning.

"It's just that… I like you, Ayanami."

She almost… looked away, it seemed.

"Would you like to see me… maybe… somewhere… somewhen… tomorrow?"

Old ways die hard.

"Where, Ikari?"

"Maybe… that food place… down at the mall?"

"Which location, Ikari?"

Shinji searched his mind. Something, anything…

"The vegetarian place. You know it?"

"Yes. What time?"

"4 o' clock, tomorrow?"

There was a silence. Everything hinged on this moment.

"Very well, Ikari."

Another traveler from the future was watching them. Her name was Rei Ayanami.

"Fool," she murmured.

-

It was morning, in a known time. The two travelers woke, but Shinji rose before Asuka. She always slept in. As he went towards the bathroom, Asuka spoke.

"What should we call it?"

"Call what, Asuka?"

"The baby."

Shinji was silent, for a time. "Whatever you would like, Asuka."

Asuka got up early, for the first time in a long while. She went towards him.

"If it's a girl, I'll call it Yui."

"And what if it's a boy?"

"Nagisa."

She put her arms around him. "Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

Shinji pulled himself free. No reply.

-

Rei looked at the scar on her stomach. She didn't do that alone, she was aided by the steady hand of surgeon. It was still big, though, still ugly. It looked a little like Katsuragi's, if that scar was real. Memory was such an unreliable tool these days; so much of it was just illusion.

_Look at me, Ikari, and see the sacrifice I have made._


	8. Eight

"Eight"

(-/.23;--

It was getting faster. Plummeting towards the surface of a planet to fight a war that did not need to be fought, but would be anyway. She understood this, but who was she to explain?

-

Shinji found himself wandering the vistas of the past once again. He was taken outside of the mall, with five minutes until the meeting with Ayanami. He hurried inside. He had the potential to fix things, to undo Asuka's pregnancy, to make it so Kaji and Kaworu lived, and to make Rei happy! He could fix it!

Shinji found Rei waiting passively in the food court. There was another Rei watching from afar, but no one saw her.

"Am I late?" asked Shinji, nervously.

"No, Ikari," replied Rei.

Shinji reflected that Rei was the kind of person that might show up to everything just a little bit early. She was always the first one to school.

They ordered their respective salads and sat down. There was a steady flow of people around them; laughing, buying, selling, living. Shinji was in a cone of quiet, courtesy of Rei Ayanami.

"Ayanami?"

"Yes, Ikari?"

"Umm… is there anything… you like?"

She looked at him, neutrally. "I do not understand, Ikari."

"I mean, when you're not at school or piloting Eva… do you do anything just for… fun…"

Rei had a way of making you want to be quiet.

"No, Ikari."

"Oh…"

They spent the rest of the meal in silence. As Rei left for her apartment, Shinji called to her.

"Can we meet again, Ayanami? I- I enjoyed this."

She considered.

"Very well, Ikari."

"Could we go see a movie?" He _needed_ to get close to her, or he wouldn't be able to fix this!

Ayanami turned and looked at Shinji.

"If you wish, Ikari."

"8 o'clock, this Saturday?"

"Very well, Ikari."

-

Shinji woke up to find himself intwined in Asuka's arms. She'd somehow wound herself in the crook of his arm, snuggling tight. She was murmuring something about her mother. Shinji slowly disentangled himself, careful not to wake her. As he made his way towards the bathroom, he heard Misato on the phone.

"I don't know, Rits. He's just so despondent… like he can't bring himself to care."

"No, it's not like that… he never hit her again… and it's like he's trying to make things right, but can't figure out how."

She sat and listened. He did not really think of it as eavesdropping. Just listening.

"In all honesty, I don't think he even loves Asuka. Cares about her, I guess, in a sister-in-arms kind of way, but I don't they could ever develop a healthy relationship of _that_ sort."

"I don't like to think about the baby. I always get the creeping feeling that its life will be more miserable than Shinji's or Asuka's."

-

"Holy shit," muttered Misato. On the ancient screen, an Eva was shown falling from the skies. "What is it?"

"We believe it is Unit 01," a technician replied. "However, we've only repaired Balthazar. There's no way to verify its judgement." They stood in a badly-lighted underground command center, formerly in the possession of the JSSDF.

Ritsuko was thoughtfully puffing on a cigarette. She'd almost run through her stash.

"Wherever would we find the materials to create an Eva cage for it?"

Misato turned to her in surprise. "You're not actually suggesting we try and reactivate it?"

"You seem to be under the impression that an Eva has only one use: combat."

"Whatever else would we use it for?"

Ritsuko exhaled a puff of smoke. "Transport. Heavy construction. Hell, even mining – it could probably strip the earth away from a place pretty easily."

"True. It still doesn't answer the question of storing and feeding it."

"We could probably jury-rig one of the old rapid-transit aircraft to support it for a good long while, so long as it had fuel."

Misato briefly saw herself as glorious leader of humanity, adored by the masses. Since when? What gave her the right to lead? Because that was what she was doing, in many respects; when there was a problem, people generally asked her what to do. She shunted the thought aside. "Alright, see what you can come up with. I'll take some of the JSSDF survivors and recover it."

-

Misato came home very late that night. Shinji stayed up on the couch, though Asuka had long since nodded off at his side.

"You're awake," she said, almost sighed.

"I- we missed you."

"You must miss a lot of things."


	9. Nine

"Nine"

1))/-6

"_Somewhere over the rainbow  
Way up high,  
There's a land that I heard of  
Once in a lullaby."  
-Ella Harburg_

"_God is dead."  
-Nietzsche _

Shinji was in a movie theater. Why Rei had suggested a horror film, he did not know. He watched closely, closer closer, despite the churning of his stomach. He felt his fingers intertwining with Rei's. She maintained her composure, despite the violence playing across the screen. Perhaps that was why he liked her.

When the credits rolled (accompanied by a scream, and a blast of heavy metal), Shinji felt strange; surely he seen more horrifying things than this.

As he left the theater, he found he could remember nothing of the film. It was as if a large, black gap had replaced the projector screen all he could remember were four words… "Gods Laugh At You." Over and over, in a chant… he lost himself in those voices.

He found that he had never let go of Rei's fingers, and had led her across the city, to a small park. He turned a little pink and released her. She looked at him stoically.

"I'm sorry, Ayanami. I didn't mean-"

"It is alright, Ikari."

He looked at the moon. "It's just-" He turned and saw that she had gone.

-

"So," said Past-Misato, as Shinji finally entered the apartment. It was very late. Shinji looked at the ground. "Where've you been?"

He scuffed the ground, nervously.

"Shinji…"

"I was with Ayanami."

Misato changed from stern parent to teasing elder sister. "Oh really?"

"Yes…" Shinji didn't want to change everything. He didn't want Misato to be any different.

"And what were you doing with Ayanami? Getting a hotdog, perhaps?"

In days past, Shinji would have caught the innuendo in this phrase, but Tokyo Syndrome had taken its toll.

"We went to a movie."

"Hmm…" said Misato, slowly.

Shinji began to walk towards his room, cautiously. "Oh no," said Misato, gleefully. "I want to talk to my little Shinji about this."

Shinji sighed, turned, and sat down. "Well, what form did this date take?" inquired Misato. "Just a movie… dinner and a movie… walk and a movie… what?"

"I took her to the movies," said Shinji, softly.

Misato leaned in close. "What movie, Shinji? Was it romantic? The comedy, perhaps?"

Shinji looked away, recalling the phone conversation he had with Ayanami. " The Dawn of the Dead."

Misato stared at him, then burst out laughing. Shinji jumped to defend himself, compelled by old instincts. "She suggested it!"

"Well, when the Second Child comes, she will _not_ be pleased about this."

-

"Once upon a time," said a very different Ayanami to a baby girl, "There was a young man named Ikari. Ikari was a well intentioned boy, but he tried to undo the past, which was the only power denied to him. And that is why we live here."

"Mama," replied the child.

"But Mama is trying to fix things. She will kill Ikari if she has to, but she won't do that unless she has to. And if Mama fails or is hurt, you will have to take her place."

"Mama," repeated the child.

"Good." She picked up the child, feeling its tuft of blue hair as she did. Tomorrow, she would throw herself into the War. The War that was simultaneously long past and yet to be.

-

Shinji woke up early that morning, long before Asuka did. She had once again managed to tangle herself with Shinji. He slowly moved her limbs away and freed himself. Moving towards the bathroom, he was suddenly compelled to look at Asuka, one more time. She was dreaming, perhaps, of her mother. And there was a bump, just a small one, around her belly…


	10. Ten

"Ten"

--0))

"Now Shinji," said Misato, warily, "Please don't freak out…"

They were at the Command Center.

"What's going on, Misato?"

"Umm… Well…"

The lights flickered on. Standing before Shinji was the twisted form of Unit 01. Shinji took a step back, eyes widening. He felt his heart skip a beat.

_it's evil it's evil it's dead it's evil_

"Now, Shinji, I'm not going to ask you to fight with it, just-"

Shinji took another step back.

_**it's evil it's evil it's dead it's evil**_

He turned and ran. He fled through the desolate streets, towards someplace – anyplace – familiar. He found none.

He finally stopped in front of an ancient building. A sign there was advertising a forgotten foodstuff. He sat on the steps.

_You mustn't run away_

But he did.

_You mustn't run away_

But he had to.

_You mustn't run away_

"Shinji!"

It was Misato.

"Shinji! I'm sorry."

Shinji looked up. Misato was standing there, alone. No soldiers with her, just alone. "Misato…"

"I'm sorry, Shinji."

_I mustn't run away_

"It's- ok, Misato."

"It's just that there are other ways we can use the Eva. We could use for transport, construction, all sorts of things. You could save lives, Shinji!"

But who cared? He was going to fix things before they were ever going to go wrong. There was no point.

_**But what if you fail?**_

-

Unit 01 held the metal beam in place. The workers riveted it together, and they moved on, rebuilding the dam one support at a time.

Misato observed this from the command center.

"So," said Ritsuko.

"What?"

"How'd you convince him to do it?"

"Shinji?"

"You know what I mean."

Silence.

"I don't know, Rits. I really don't know."

-

A younger Rei saw a piece of graffiti, as she walked home from school. 'God Laughs at You.' She wondered what it meant. She had a habit of studying the graffiti that periodically appeared on her building's walls. She had seen a great many This one stood out, however; it had no unique lettering or calligraphic flourishes. It was simply 'God Laughs at You.'

Maybe He did.

She went into her apartment. Ramen. She remembered going to lunch with Ikari. That had been nice. That had been _different_. Oh well. Maybe they would be happy, in Instrumentality. As she ate slowly, the phone suddenly rang.

She picked up. The phone rang only for one reason: there had been an Angel attack, or else she was needed at headquarters. Only once had it rung for some other reason, when Ikari called. She wondered if he had called again.

"Ay-ayanami?"

"Ikari?"

Now it was thrice.

-

Somewhen in the past, somewhere far away, a man named Kaji was escorting a young woman by the name of Sohryu across the shining sea.

-


	11. Eleven

"Eleven"

Asuka was visiting the future again. She greeted this fact with resignation. She was standing in the command center, feeling unpleasantly bloated. She looked down and saw that she could not see her feet beneath her fattened stomach. Damn Shinji. Damn Misato. Damn Baby.

The scene began to come into focus. There were alarms going off, flashing red lights. She looked to the screen, and saw two Evas fighting each other. Her eyes widened; one was Unit 01, Shinji, and the other… was… Unit… 00!

Asuka watched, wide-eyed. Rei was trying to kill Shinji, _her_ Shinji! No, she couldn't have it. She looked at a computer. The date displayed was tomorrow's.

-

When she woke up, she knew what she had to do. Shinji hadn't woken up yet. Asuka hurried into the bathroom. She would raise the worst case of morning sickness they'd ever seen, that would keep them home. They couldn't abandon her, right? They wouldn't abandon her!

Would they?

She had to try, she had to try, she had to-

-

Shinji woke up to retching sounds. He rose to his feet, slowly, and hobbled to the bathroom. Asuka was in there, in front of the toilet.

"Asuka, are you all right?"

"No, asshole!" she howled. "I'm coughing up my guts in the bathroom, and it's _all your fault_, you stupid little snot!" Shinji ignored this little tirade and went form Misato. Misato hurried in a few minutes later. _If she's like this during the morning sickness, what's she going to be like during the delivery?_

-

And so Rei's hand was stayed. Ikari was not coming out. There would be no kinslaying today.

-

A different Ayanami was in school. Red eyes watched a different sun. She'd noticed things since she'd started visiting with Ikari, strange things, like the color of the flowers. Ikari, at the moment, was with his associates Suzahara and Ayda. They were talking about a trip Rei, Ayda, and Ikari would be going on, to meet the Second Child.

The lesson drew to a close. Ayanami went home, slowly. She started to prepare a mental list of things to do. Nothing involving NERV. Her apartment had a respectable supply of food and medicine still left. She would be spending the day alone.

Suddenly, Ikari fell into step beside her. She was surprised They had nothing planned.

"Hi, Ayanami."

"Ikari," she replied.

"Do you have anything planned for today?"

"No, Ikari."

"Well… I was thinking…" He hesitated. Ikari sometimes had difficulty phrasing his thoughts into words, sometimes. Spontaneously, a timesaver occurred to Rei. She had a strong suspicion that she knew what he was going to say.

"Do you wish spend time with me?"

"Y-yes."

"Very well. Where do you wish to go?"

"I was thinking the park…"

"Which park?"

"The one by the hospital… you know it?"

"Second Impact Memorial Park?"

"That's it."

"Very well, Ikari. When?"

"Eight tonight?"

"I will be there, Ikari."

Shinji broke off as they reached Rei's apartment. He felt as though something were off, but he couldn't pinpoint what. Perhaps that was to be expected. He made his way towards Misato's apartment. She would, doubtless, want to extract every detail of the arrangement from him. Suddenly, that didn't seem so bad.

-

He showed up with little time to spare. Something occurred to him as he approached the park. Where was Asuka in all of this?

-

Future-or-Present-Misato watched the Eva as it regenerated. It was once Unit-02. Now, it was a corpse with a reboot button.

"So," said Misato.

"Yes?" asked Ritsuko.

"Why are we trying to sustain two Evas?"

"Two Evas mean half the work for Shinji."

"So?"

"So, half the work means half the amount of time spent in the Eva, which means less danger to the pilots."

Misato's face darkened. "You never told me they were dangerous."

"Misato, they're Evas. They're inherently dangerous."

"What will piloting Eva do to the pregnancy?"

"No idea. Probably nothing."

"'Probably'?"

"You'd rather we use Unit-02 only in emergencies?"

"Yes."

"Fair enough."

-

As Asuka wretched in the bathroom, a day after that discussion between the two de-facto leaders of humanity, Shinji and Misato had a brief exchange outside.

"Shinji, I think you should stay home today."

"Why?"

"Asuka, why do you think?"

"Well…"

"I know you have things to do in the Eva, but remember, Asuka is a pilot to."

"But Unit-02 was destroyed."

"I know, but- Well, it's bigger than that, Shinji." Too true. "Just trust me. It would be better to stay home with Asuka. I'd rather you guys be on good terms then have a dam fully repaired a little sooner."

"Alright…"

-

"_Alcohol, Alcohol, Alcohol, White light…"  
-The Gorrilaz_


	12. Twelve

"Twelve"

e)(--

"_Thou Shalt not Disfigure the Soul."  
-Frank Herbert_

When Rei was younger, she would have revolted at the thought of graffiti. But this was another Rei remote in space and time. She sprayed the letters with a few easy swipes, marking her former home. She stepped back and surveyed her handiwork.

_God Laughs at You._

She turned around and began to leave. A voice invaded her inner calm, a gruff, unpleasant voice.

"Stop right there, punk." She turned around, slowly, and saw a policeman standing at the opposite end of the alley. He had a hand on his gun and a grin on his face. "Graffiti, huh?" The man approached. Rei remained serene. The man took one slow step after another. He was unsettled. "I'm gonna have to bring-" A scream escaped his lips as Rei sprayed the paint into his face. Her knee connected with his crotch, sending him sprawling; his face a solid mask of red. Finally, Rei drew her gun, one Misato Katsuragi's pistol, aimed at the man's head, killed him, and holstered, all in one easy motion. She left the way she came.

-

Far away, a metal abomination flew over the sea, carrying with it a number of passengers. They were called Misato Kasturagi, Shinji Ikari, Rei Ayanami, Toji Suzahara, and Kensuke Ayda. Shinji sat across from Rei. Both gazed out the window, at the fleet below. And Ayanami, the elder one far away, felt the tremors as time remade itself.

The boy Ayda was excited. The boy Suzahara was strangely smug. Ikari was pensive. Ayanami was Ayanami. She cared little about the others. Except, perhaps, Ikari. She recalled that it began the day when he woke up after his unfortunate encounter with the Fifth Angel. He had simply become someone else. Rei glanced at him.

As she turned back, he saw Katsuragi giving her strange look. The Major was doubtless suspicious of Ikari's sudden interest in Ayanami…

The Aircraft Carrier loomed in the distance. Rei recalled the previous night. Shinji had taken her to the park, where they had just walked… No words had really been exchanged; they just walked. Rei liked it like that. A rebel thought entered her mind, demanding why Rei was wasting so much time with the younger Ikari.

-

Elsewhere, Shinji didn't stay home that day. He went on with work with the dam. And that is when she came.

First, there was a flickering light, then a roar like thunder. In the sky above appeared a great, glowing teardrop, flickering with lightning. And from it dropped the form of Unit 00. It promptly drew a pallet rifle and opened fire.

-

Shinji was finally rushed from the entry plug.

_That's not my arm_

_That's not my arm_

But it felt like his arm, and that was all it took. It felt as though his arm was shattered, not Unit 01's. He felt himself screaming, but did not hear anything. The pain was too blinding. The-

-

Suddenly, he was inside Unit 02, back in the old days. The earlier Asuka was lying beside him, catatonic. Shinji was at the controls. This was his last chance. Live here, or die forever. The swimming angel swept around, intentions deadly. Shinji drew the progressive knife. The thing circled above the sinking Eva. Shinji plotted his counterattack very carefully.

Suddenly, the Angel swept around and rushed him. Shinji tucked the Eva's legs in, preparing to be swallowed…. The jaws closed around him…

-

"We've lost all contact with Unit-02." The Misato of days before looked into depths. Had she really lost them both? There was nothing.

"We've detected the Unit!" shouted a joyous voice. The umbilical cable began to retract. The Angel was pulled the surface. Two things jumped to Misato's attention. First, the bolts that sealed the Eva's mouth shut had come undone. Second, the Angel had been partially devoured.


	13. Thirteen

"Thirteen"  
-)(44a—

"_Civilizations die from suicide, not murder."  
-Arnold Toynbee_

When Asuka next dreamed, she was carrying a baby. She had no control over her limbs; she was, as it were, just along for the ride. She was climbing through rubble; plenty of that… She found Shinji crouched there, holding Misato's corpse. The future Asuka, Otherasuka, ignored Currentasuka's horror, and went down to Shinji. She joined him by the corpse.

"Shinji-" she began.

"Everyone we love is dead," Shinji mumbled, wide, frightened eyes staring at Misato. "Misato… Ritsuko… my father… only Rei is still alive. I've engineered a monster, Asuka."

"Nagisa is still alive," said Asuka, softly.

Shinji looked up and saw the baby. He cocked his head to one side. "Yes, Nagisa is alive."

-

"Look at this," Ritsuko said, almost nervously. Misato looked at the computer screen groggily.

"What am I looking at, Rits?"

"I pulled up the Shinji's Pre-Third Impact genetic tests, from the old hard drive backups. This is a current one versus the old one."

Misato stared at the two pictures. "What in the…"

"Completely different

"We've found the cause of Tokyo Syndrome – his body is creating DNA that suspiciously resembles Adam's. I took random medical histories from survivors, and they're all producing it too, though in such small amounts we didn't notice. Hell, the only reason we found it in Shinji was because of the highly detailed tests we performed on him."

"Well… what's going to happen?"

"So long as people stay out of Tokyo-3, the concentration of Angelic Blood should stay level. Hell, it might even do us good – a bit of superhuman strength could go a long way to protect us from all the shit in the air and water. But in Shinji's case… it's bad and getting worse."

"What should I do?"

"Bring him in for observation."

-

For the first time in her life, Rei felt lonely.

She looked at the cell phone on the desk, expressionlessly.

She almost wished that Ikari would call.

It was only early evening. She felt as though she should be doing something.

But she was not. She had never felt the 'need' to do anything before.

Maybe this was addiction.

She gave up resistance and walked to the phone. She dialed the number, waited for a response. Someone picked up the receiver; it was not Ikari. It was… Sohryu, she recalled.

"Hello?"

"Sohryu," acknowledged Rei.

"Oh… umm… hi."

"May I speak to Ikari?"

There was such a long pause the Rei considered repeating herself.

"Why?" Sohryu finally asked.

"I wish to speak to Ikari. Nothing more."

"Now wait just a-"

"I will go to your apartment should it be necessary."

"No! Umm, I mean, I'll call him right over."

Rei knew there are three kind of people in the world; the manipulated, the manipulators, and the manipulated those who thought themselves to be manipulators, but really were not.

Ikari fell into the first category, Sohryu in the in the second, Katsuragi in the third, and Ayanami in all three.

A few moments passed before Ikari answered the phone.

"Hi, Ayanami." He sounded strangely pleasant.

"I was wondering if you would want to go somewhere with me."

"Uhh… Actually, I am busy-"

Rei felt suddenly depressed, and could not explain why.

"-you see, we're holding a party to celebrate Misato's promotion to Major. Would you like to come over?"

Ayanami was startled. She had never been to any kind of celebration. She considered carefully. There was no reason why she should _not_ go…

"I will come."

-

"Have you ever really thought about distance?" the voice spoke to a different Asuka Langley Sohryu. "What springs to mind when you say distance is miles and kilometers and whatever. But distance is bigger than that – distance is time and space. And you're miles away from anything, kiddo. Miles away from Germany, hell, miles away from Japan. You're in the middle of cosmic nowhere – Third Impact Land. So what's the point? Nothing will grow here, the ground rumbles frequently and people slowly go insane. You know you want to end it; how is of little concern. Just pick up the knife, grab the gun, down the pills with a bit of Misato's beer, who cares?"

Asuka looked at the knife.

"You know you want to."

"I want Shinji."


	14. Fourteen

"Fourteen"

--))/

Rei sat in the corner, tranquilly watching the partygoers. She could not help but look at them with an air of carefully-concealed derision; they were fools, now, not defenders of humanity.

Rei watched Shinji talking and laughing with his friends, discussing things she did not know nor care to find out about. Sorhyu was being decidedly unpleasant, but it was all part of the game, apparently. Rei sipped on her drink. She wondered why she had come, but part of her kept her anchored here. It was the part that wanted the younger Ikari, doubtless.

Suddenly, Ikari joined her in the corner, while Agent Kaji, Major Katsuragi, Aida, observed as Sorhyu and Suzahara engaged in the activity known as 'arm wrestling'. Sorhyu appeared to be winning. He began to speak, breaking her out of her silence.

"Hi," said Ikari, softly.

"Ikari," Ayanami replied.

"You don't seem terribly interested, Ayanami."

"No, I am not, Ikari."

"Ayanami… can I call you Rei? Just for tonight?"

"You may call me whatever you wish."

"Rei… can I try something?"

"As you wish."

He leaned over and applied pressure to her lips with his. Rei felt mildly surprised and unsettlingly warm inside. It was not quite like anything she had experienced before, even with Evangelions and Instrumentality. She kept her eyes open, but saw Ikari had shut his. She recalled watching two young classmates doing the same, 'kissing' it was called. Shinji was 'kissing' her harder now, taking her in his arms. Rei did nothing to resist, since, at the most basic levels, it was a pleasurable sensation. She lost herself, and fell from grace, ate from the Tree of Knowledge. And worst of all, she enjoyed it. This was a deviation from the Scenario; it was, at the most basic levels, a sin… and a sin would not be a sin if was not enjoyable. However, she could not bring herself to protest.

Rei imitated the motion of his lips, just a little bit, and felt warmer. Not a bad warm. It was what it was, and it was good. And bad, too.

-

Shinji was whispering the name again. Asuka could hear it, as she lay awake, feeling unpleasantly bloated.

"Rei… I love you, Rei… don't go, don't go to Father… I love you Rei… Rei…"

Asuka felt disgusted. But she didn't leave Shinji's side, as he lay in the hospital bed, because he liked him, in her strange way, and did not want to leave, because she was human, and thus full of contradictions. Shinji's arm had _(regenerated) _healed quickly, more quickly then expected.

She was trying to sleep on the couch across from his room. His bed looked so spacious and inviting… Giving in to her instincts, Asuka got up, pushed the room door open, and climbed into Shinji's bed, careful not to touch his arm.

-

Shinji had no idea what compelled him to kiss Rei. At first he feared it was premature, but when Rei started to relax, he began to suspect his instincts were correct. And instincts, he supposed, were to be relied upon on these matters. Eventually, he fell asleep in Rei's arms. He suspected he would wake up beside Asuka.

Except he did not.

Something was terribly wrong.

Of course, it was not so horrible to wake up beside Rei on Misato's couch. She was already awake, staring at the ceiling. However, old habits ran strong in Shinji, and he quickly apologized.

"It is alright, Ikari," she said, simply. She stared at the roof. "Please move. I cannot get up."

As he freed Rei, Shinji looked around to see his various friends scattered around the messy room. It certainly looked like the fallout from a party. Rei smoothed out her uniform and looked around. "Where is Major Katsuragi and Agent Kaji?"

Part of Shinji did not want to find out, but Rei began to search anyway. When she pushed open the door to Misato's room and looked in, she stared for a few moments and shut the door. "They are occupied at present," she said, simply. "I will walk home myself."

"Weren't you going to do that anyway?"

"No, I was hoping to be transported by Major Katsuragi, but at the moment that option seems inviable."

"Well… you could stay for breakfast."

Shinji's scheme was working perfectly. This way, she would choose him instead of Gendo… and then she'd be locked in his heart, forever, and nothing would part them.

-

When the later Asuka woke, she found she was being thrown into battle against the teardrop invader. And, within her secret heart, she swore to defend Shinji.


	15. Fifteen, Interlude

**A/N:** I am not entirely sure what this has to do with the rest of Dissonance, but it felt right to include it.

"Interlude"  
-

In a sanitarium in a time and space distant from our own (and theirs), there was a boy called Shinji. Of unknown parentage, he was found among the mangled ruins of the City. He was haunted by hallucinations and nightmare memories from an unknown previous time – he was prone to screaming, crying out unknown names – Rei, Asuka, Misato, Father – no one knew for certain who they were.

Shinji was lying in a bed, twisting, screaming for help. Finally, a sanitarium nurse injected a tranquilizer into his arm, and he quieted. Most of the staff left, except for one… one with red eyes and blue hair. She had drifted in from the wastes north of Tokyo-4, cheap labor who was given a crash course in dealing with the scores of insane people in the world and dumped onto the front lines in the war on madness. But she served greater forces, ruthless forces; clutched in her palm was a tiny syringe.

The wanderer waited for Shinji to return to consciousness. When he did, she approached him, slowly.

"Ayanami," he whispered.

"It is I."

"But you're different."

"Yes."

"What happened?"

"Strange things. Terrible things."

"You're here to kill me."

"Yes."

"What's in the shot?"

"Cyanide."

"Ah. Will I ever know why?"

"You must die, or else you will crowd out the coming miracle."

Shinji considered. "That is a good reason to die. Will the otherme be happy?"

"There are many things I do not understand, but probably not."

"I hope otherme will be happy."

"Then I shall hope so as well."

Shinji, child of none, died at four thirty-three PM of cyanide poisoning.

-  
"End Interlude"


	16. Sixteen

"Sixteen"  
+-))(\

When Rei got a little older, she would cherish that kiss. But now, she could not sleep. She had betrayed the Commander; though he was a man she would later come to hate, in her younger days she would torment herself over this infidelity.

All she could do was shut herself off from the younger Ikari. This had progressed far enough. Who knew what negative effects this could have on the Project?

-

Shinji had made a misstep; that much was obvious to him. He'd gone too far too fast. There was little he could do from here… except wait. And rest.

But that was not to be, for when he went to sleep, he awoke in a hospital bed in an almost unfamiliar world. Sure enough, Asuka was lying beside him. He stared at her as she slept, recalling the torments she visited upon him.

"Asuka."

She started awake. It seemed to Shinji that the bump of her stomach had grown since he had last seen it. She stared at him.

"Shinji."

A pause.

"You idiot."

-

Shinji had new information to consider. A good three weeks had passed while he was in the past. Shinji spent his days introspective, quiet and limp. To Misato, this reminded her of his state during the battle with the JSSDF, but there was little she could do.

Asuka, however, was just fine.

"Hmph," she said, disdainfully. "He just wants to get out of piloting."

"He can quit anytime he wants, Asuka…"

"Yeah, that's what you _say_-"

"Asuka, I'm really in the mood for this

-

"I'm not sure how I got suckered into this," muttered Toji, fingering the controls of his Eva.

Rei whispered over the intercom, "It matters little."

-

When Shinji next awoke, there were alarms. He recognized that alarm; the steady moan of a klaxon hidden in the ceilings and walls, warning of the latest onslaught of invaders taking shapes and coming from places unknown.

Shinji rose to feet and set off towards the command bridge.

-

A younger Rei Ayanami was having a formative experience.

As she walked home from school, meditating on the Project, a man emerged from the shadows of an alley. He carried a gun, and promptly pushed the barrel between Rei's breasts. "Alright-" he began, but never got the chance to finish.

Rei grabbed the gun and twisted it out of his hand. He took a step back, trembling. He opened his mouth to speak, and Rei put a bullet into it. She stared at the mutilated remnants of his face, his scattered, crushed teeth, and she moved on, placing the gun in her pack.

-

The tear-drop appeared in the sky, and out spilled two Evas, trailing umbilical wires. One opened fire immediately with a pallet rifle, the other – the one from before - rushed forward with an axe. Shinji stepped forward and deflected the blow, Asuka stood back and started firing. An arrangement she did not appreciate, but she was not inclined to incur Misato's wrath that particular day.

And so the Second Angelic War began.


	17. Seventeen

"Seventeen"  
+)(-)

Shinji watched the invaders flee through the tear drop, from whence they came. Where was that? _In a land called nowhere, where the dead are sentenced to share._ Shinji liked that line. Maybe it belonged to a poem somewhere.

-

"So, what are they?" asked Misato.

Ritsuko shrugged. A large piece of shrapnel had been blasted away from one of the enemy Evas.

"If I didn't know better," she said, "It's a repainted piece of armor from Unit 00."

"Ha-ha."

"In all honesty, that's what it looks like; if not, it's a very accurate facsimile."

"Alright, get it checked out."

-

Asuka felt like a bloated walrus. And she was having another one of those visions. That was a bad combination.

She was standing on a piece of concrete, turned on its side. Below her, she saw the twisted, mutilated remains of an Eva; if she didn't know better, it was Unit 00. Climbing out of the entry plug was a girl; perhaps Asuka's age when she first came to Tokyo-3 all that time ago.

The girl had blue hair – Asuka flinched a bit – and bright brown eyes. Suddenly a boy, the same age, stumbled through the debris. He looked a little like Asuka herself, with a chaotic mess of red hair and blue eyes. The boy lost his footing and fell down. The girl walked over, apprehensively. Slowly, she walked over and offered the boy a hand. To Asuka's shock the boy leapt to his feet and punched the girl in the stomach. She stumbled back, winded.

"There's no one else left," she wheezed. The boy just punched her again, this time to her face. She was thrown back against a piece of the Eva's armor.

"And that's all your fault."

The girl wiped away the blood dripping from the side of her mouth. "I could say the same thing to you." The boy glanced around, then picked up a sharp piece of metal.

-

Asuka felt a pain rip through her body. She rushed to the bathroom, feeling bile rising in her throat. Shinji started awake and hurried after her. Asuka was distantly aware of the thumping of his feet on the linoleum as she double-timed towards the bathroom. She wondered if it was a miscarriage. She almost wished it was, but it wasn't; she merely coughed up all the food she had eaten in the past week and then some.

"This is all your fault, you bastard," she muttered to Shinji, who stood in the hallway. The boy just sighed and walked away.

-

Rei raised the baby girl over her head and looked into the brownish eyes. The girl smiled and said 'Mama'. Rei smiled a little bit, a thing she had been practicing. She lowered the girl, and then raised her into the air again. The baby smiled and said 'Mama'. Who knew doing the same thing over and over could be enjoyable.

The door to her room slid open. Only one person every visited Rei. She hurriedly put the baby into the makeshift pen in the corner and turned to face the Commander. He stood there, staring at her icily through his glasses. A few gray hairs stood out on his chin.

"Why did you fail?" he asked, voice devoid of feeling.

"Their defenses are too strong."

"Then take the necessary step."

"It is not so easy."

"Maybe you're too close to this," said the older man, glancing at the baby girl. "Perhaps I should send-"

"That won't be necessary."

There was a long quiet.

"I see."

Gendo left the room.

-

Shinji distantly wondered why everything had started going so badly. Asuka clearly hated him with her heart and soul. The earlier Rei was ignoring him. Inexplicable monsters from some strange land were attacking him.

Whatever the case, he kept trying. He just had to jump back in time… He could undo everything… and then Rei could be his for all time, with her hands round his heart…


	18. Eighteen

"Eighteen"

-

When Shinji next awoke in the past, it seemed a good deal had changed. He lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Then, he realized he was in a hospital bed. Outside, the Geofront was in utter ruin; NERV headquarters had been split open like the shell of a beetle crushed by a boot.

The clash with Zeruel played through his memory; from his perspective, that had been nearly… two years ago. But it looked as though it had just happened. Why had he skipped so much time in the past? Was it because of some mistake he made? Or maybe… this was the next place where the tides of time could be changed.

The door swung open, Shinji turned around to see Rei walking in, feet pattering softly on the cold linoleum floor. She was covered in bandages, once again.

"Ikari," she acknowledged, voice devoid of expression.

"Rei."

She sat down beside him.

"Th-thank you."

Shinji was surprised. "For what?"

Rei cocked her head to one side. "Saving me. If you are suffering some kind of memory loss, you should alert Doctor Akagi…"

"No, no, it's just kind of fuzzy." Shinji felt dazed. What had gone differently? Ayanami's actions suggested that they were in some kind of relationship, then he had-

The door opened again. Misato came in, head bowed. They both stared at her.

"It's Asuka…" said Misato, softly. The silence stretched into minutes. "It's Asuka… she's dead. The entry plug was sliced in half."

-

"This was not in the scenario, Ikari," said Fuyutski. "Something's off. Your son is not behaving according to the plan."

"Yes," agreed Gendo, staring out at the Geofront. "Something is off. It almost as if…"

"He is acting with some kind of foreknowledge..."

"That is impossible. There is no way my son could have stumbled onto the Dead Sea Scrolls."

"Unless Inspector Kaji…"

"No. What reason would he have to reveal the prophecies to the Third Child?"

"He's the only person who could have located them."

"Even so, there is nothing we can do. Eliminating him would simply put Tabris into play earlier. At this moment, he has the potential to permanently destabilize what has already become tenuous."

"However, the death of Sorhyu has nothing to do with your son."

"Perhaps…"

"Are you implying that your son may have murdered the Second Child?"

"We have no idea what may have happened. All visual feeds were lost during the battle."

"But Unit 02 was clearly destroyed by Zeruel's arms."

"There are many ways to murder someone. Perhaps… an unnecessary sacrifice was made."

"The Third never would have let Sorhyu die. He's not that kind of person. Besides, the First would have given him up."

"We can no longer be certain of the First's loyalties." Fuyutski stared, dumbfounded. Gendo, actually doubting his finest work?

The monorail ground to a halt. Gendo climbed to his feet. "Underestimation is a grave error indeed. We underestimated Unit 01 in 2005. We will not underestimate my own son in the future."

-

Shinji stared at the ceiling. Was in the living room; Misato was in her bedroom. Shinji could vaguely hear sobbing from her direction. On an impulse, he got up and went into Asuka's room. There, on the bed, still unmade, was a letter. It was marked 'Shinji', in Asuka's handwriting. Curious, he walked over and, with hands trembling, opened it.

"_Dear Shinji,  
If you are reading this, it means I am dead. I am dead in this timeline, but _not in the parallel ones_. Continue on your course! Even when things seem their most dire, you must not stop! This will turn out well. Trust me, no matter what that other Rei tries to do, don't stop! If the world itself caves in you and everyone you love, keep going._

_I'll probably lose you as a result of all these time-travel shenanigans. You'll probably end up with Rei, but… maybe that was inevitable. Just remember, I loved you. _

_-Your Loving Wife,_

_Asuka Langely Ikari_

Shinji stared at the wall, letter falling from his hands. What the _hell_ was this? Some twisted, cosmic joke?

At that moment, the dinger indicating that supper was ready rang. Shinji waited to see if Misato would check it. She did not. Sighing, Shinji headed to the microwave and opened it. Ayanami stoo there, silently watching him.

"Do you want anything to eat?"

"No, Ikari."

"Well…do you want to go out?"

"Do you, Ikari?"

"Not really."

"Then no."

They ended up both sitting on the couch, staring the television, which was not even on. Shinji ate the TV dinner slowly, one spoonful at a time, until he felt sick. He reflected that he had not shed any tears, not one for fallen Asuka. Before he properly knew what was happening, he was leaning on Rei's shoulder, gently sobbing. Rei just stared into space.

-

Asuka woke up. She stared into the ceiling, listening to Shinji's breathing. There was a coldness in the air that she couldn't quite exokaun, a basic chill that seemed to apply only to her own body. She climbed out of bed and headed towards the bathroom. Looking into the mirror, she reflected that her face looked kind of pale. Spurred by a sudden fear, she felt for her pulse. It was gone. Her body was dead. She opened her mouth to scream, but no air left her lungs.

She just was…

She just was…

_NO!_

-


	19. Nineteen

"Nineteen"  
-

"I go with the flow and where the flow goes is where the new sun shall set, and there I'll groove with the new and weep with the dead and flow where it goes; but that'll never stop till I go with the flow and where the flow goes is where the new sun shall set, and there I'll groove…"

It went on and on, burbling through the loudspeaker. The other survivors huddled in the dark, listening the ever-repeating nonsense. The once-silent hallways of the old warehouse were filled with noise, eating away at the minds of those living there. The elder Rei glanced up at it. Any second now…

There was the sound of a gunshot. The insane voice stopped, abruptly.

Another one of the survivors had snapped this morning. They'd warned him not to drink the water.

-

Asuka sat in the emergency ward, staring at nothing. Ritsuko, Misato, and Shinji watched her through the one-way mirror.

"She came to me insisting she had no heartbeat," said Ritsuko, quietly.

"Well?" asked Shinji, suddenly.

"Well what?"

"Does she?"

She stared at him. "Take a guess."

"Did you check for a pulse?"

Ristuko stared at him for a moment, then pointed to Asuka's bedside. A heart monitor was there, beeping steadily.

"Oh."

"She's suffered a psychotic breakdown," Ritsuko said, simply.

"Tokyo Syndrome?"

"No. This is a textbook case of cracking under pressure."

"What triggered it?"

Shinji glanced at Ritsuko and found that, in his view, two people seemed to be Ritsuko; the elder Rei of his nightmares and the familiar scientist; as if they somehow occupied the same space at once. They spoke with two voices, though Misato and random passerby seemed oblivious to this.

Reisuko – Shinji suppressed a laugh – continued with her twisted twin voices, speaking in chorus. "There comes a point for some survivors when the true weight of the nightmare closes in on them – a certain oppressiveness is felt, a weight on their shoulders that slowly crushes their mind. It builds and builds until finally…" Reisuko indicated the inert form of Asuka.

"Well she ever get out of it?" asked Misato.

"Probably, with time. Hopefully before the baby comes. We can't give her all the medications we want due to the pregnancy, but everything should work out."

"Nothing ever works out," muttered Shinji. Misato put an arm over his shoulder, comfortingly. To his surprise, the older Rei spoke separately –

"What do you plan to do it about it?"

"I'll fix it," muttered Shinji, to her. Everyone except for otherrei seemed deaf to this comment.

"Really?"

Older Rei was gone, and only Ritsuko stood there.

-

It was a cold morning. Not rainy, not overcast, just cold. Asuka's coffin was being conducted to a graveyard outside of Tokyo-3. Much of NERV was there, Asuka's surrogate family was being flown in, even foreign dignitaries attended the funeral of the first casualty among the Children. All Shinji saw was a bunch of people laughing at what he had wrought. Misato was sobbing, Rei looked on impassively. Shinji thought he made out the face of Hikari in the distance, but could not be sure.

He barely heard the words of the ceremony. Asuka was an atheist, but her parents insisted on a Christian burial… it was all in latin, anyway. Shinji glanced around at the unfamiliar faces; there was Asuka's mother. No, Asuka's caretaker; she'd joined her mother, now.

After the service, Shinji wandered among the tombs, reading the headstones. He took note of one that read:

"GOD LAUGHS AT YOU"

Just those words; no names, no dates.

Rei, the young Rei, suddenly appeared beside him. They walked along side each other for a time, looking at the morbid stones around them. Suddenly, Rei offered Shinji her hand, and he took it.

"I have been told that I should try and comfort you," Rei said, flatly. Looking at him, she added, "I have listened to other female students at school. They seem to think of me as insensitive."

"Since when do you care what they think?"

"I do not. I simply wished to alleviate your suffering."

The silence stretched into minutes.

"This is fine, Rei," Shinji said, at last.

-

Asuka reached out and tried again. There it was, her pulse. It didn't make sense. How could she a walking corpse one minute and fully alive again the next? She paced the room, slowly. Unless… she finally cracked.

That was it.

They had warned her, at the beginning, all those years ago. The Eva could eat away at your sanity. Bit by little bit… Until one day…

-

Rei and Toji ate on a distant dimension in a dieing world. They were as close to being friends as they could psychologically be, but that was closer than anyone else.

"So," said Toji.

"What is it?"

"How's Yui?"

"She is well."

There was a long, heavy quiet.

"I don't know why I bother even trying to talk to you."


	20. Twenty

**A/N: **My, it's been a while. However, I swear to finish this story, even though I'm itching to start working on my next, equally dark, project.

I'd also like to say that this is a tad divergent from the typical style of Dissonance. I'm a bit more poetic in places. Call it an experiment.

"Twenty"  
-

"_Bird of Hermes is my name,  
Eat my wings to make me tame."  
-Kouta Hirano_

Shinji was progressively realizing what horrors he had wrought. Asuka was dead. NERV was in ruins. And the future seemed unchanged. The redhead was still inexplicably walking around in the 'present', and, aside from a temporary psychotic breakdown, was still alive and well.

Maybe it was all inevitable.

The Third Child was sitting on the roof of the base, leaning on the small ledge that separated himself from a forty foot fall. The strange and terrible landscape stretched around him, laughing at him with its sameness. Shinji was on the verge of giving up, for he felt as if he was scratching at the brick wall of Third Impact brick wall with a butter knife. And suddenly, the weight of his complete powerlessness weighed in on him, a suffocating heaviness that threatened to shatter his bones. He briefly considered tossing himself off the ledge before he could do any more harm.

"Hey."

The feminine voice shocked him out of his reverie.

"What are you doing up here?" It was Asuka, red hair still bright in the faint sun.

"Thinking…"

"About what?" She had taken up a seat beside him, which was difficult, considering her belly was very swollen. Shinji could hardly imagine walking around like that.

"Killing myself." The Third no longer cared what she or anyone else thought. A blanket of hopelessness covered him.

"I thought about killing myself," Asuka mused, almost callously. "Once, right after my mother died. Then, after this," she waved her hand around, indicating the ruins of the world. "I didn't go through with it."

"Why?"

"You know, it's weird," she went on, as if not hearing him. "About not killing yourself. You're either too scared to do it, and thus weak, or you're strong enough to resist the urge. Which one are you?"

"Which one are you?"

"The second, of course," she said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm the third," Shinji said, darkly.

"Huh?" Asuka's brain took a few minutes to process it. "Hah! The Third! Since when were you glib?"

Shinji didn't answer for a long time, staring off. "I thought you thought you were dead," he said, softly.

"Well, that's just _stupid_," Asuka said, as if explaining something intensely simple. "Could I walk around if I were dead?"

"No…" They both fell silent.

"Look," she said, voice dripping with her unique brand of sweet danger, "I'm starting to get seriously pissed off. You ignore me or brush me off whenever you feel like it. It's like you don't even care."

Shinji could not think of a reply. He just looked at a crashed car, an SUV, pulverized against a brick wall. Asuka growled in frustration and wandered off. Shinji got off the ledge but did not leave the roof, instead dozing off. _If only I had Rei…_ he thought.

-

Elsewhere in time and space, the younger Rei did not know any of that was happening.

All she was concerned about was her synch test. She pushed all thoughts from her mind; including those of Ikari, which was no mean feat. During the early days of Project E, she would lie for hours as the computers gathered more and more data on the function of the Evangelions. But now…

"That's enough," Dr. Akagi said, suddenly. It had only been about fifteen minutes.

Though she had never cared for the Second Child, Rei had noticed a definite change in the atmosphere of NERV since her death. Coworkers were less friendly towards one another; the pleasant talk amongst the bridge staff had become more infrequent. As Rei changed in the desolate women's locker room, she glanced at the one that once belonged to a certain German and marveled at the strangeness of it all.

Rei finished changing into her generic school uniform and left. Shinji was waiting for her in the lobby, and they set off towards their favorite haunt: a small park near the edge of the geofront. There, they could sit undisturbed; the facility had been built for the NERV staff, but everyone was too busy to ever visit.

Rei had a certain taste for 'simple beauty'. She did not grasp the aesthetics of makeup and elaborate dresses, nor did she understand the appeal of a wild, unshaven man who had testosterone burning through his veins; not as one Major understood it, anyhow.

When they got there, Shinji unpacked a (vegetarian, naturally) lunch. Rei ate her food in her stoic way of hers, barely even tasting it. She was busy looking at her reflection in the fountain.

Rei appreciated water. The simplicity of water was the only ideal of beauty she could be said to appeal to. It was enough for Rei, and it seemed to be enough for Ikari. Would she change her appearance for him? She was not sure.

"Rei?"

"Ikari?"

"Imagine… you were given a choice. You could take things as they are, or you could risk everything to improve them. What would you do?"

Rei considered the problem for nearly two minutes. "How great would the improvement be?"

"Huge."

Rei continued to think on the subject. "How much would be lost?"

"Potentially… everything, I suppose."

"And how are the present conditions?"

"Well… it's not like you lack for anything… but you're still kind of miserable."

"I would take the risk."

"Why?"

"Would it not torment you, every day of every year, if you knew everything could be better?"

Shinji looked down, face neutral, but inside, his heart was leaping. His course was laid out before him, there was nothing left to do but take it. Come havoc or hellfire, he would fix the world!

-

The elder Rei watched from the treeline, silently cursing her past self. She too had faced the cruel incorrigibility of the world, and she had conquered it – and then conquered it for Ikari. She watched this first horrible misstep being made, and it made her flinch.

Old Rei followed Ikari home, remaining concealed in that subtle way of hers that let her hide in plain sight. The quiet observer followed him to his apartment and waited outside. When all noise from the inside ceased, she silently picked the lock and passed through the living room, into his bedroom. Staring down at him, she contemplated killing the Third Child then and there – she even drew the handgun from her jacket and pressed it against his forehead. However, the cold steel of the trigger seemed to actively repel her – try as she might, she just could not apply the small pressure and murder him. Red eyes focused, Rei actively searched for a reason why she should not be able to kill him. She could escape to the future before Misato burst in, gun at the ready. There was no way Ikari could conceivably defend himself.

With a sigh, she replaced the gun and looked around the room. It was just as she remembered it, unadorned and generic. She had slept with Ikari no fewer than three times in his room, three and half, if you count the time when they were rudely interrupted by alien invaders. And she cherished every moment of every one. Without noise she replaced the gun and let herself out through the front door.

-


	21. TwentyOne

"Twenty-One"  
-

There was only one way out. All had been lost, Rei could see that now; it had been that way from the beginning. There was no way to change the past, nor was there any way to change Ikari's tampering with it. Picking up her daughter (who was smiling), Rei silently left her room. There was there in her hand, the gun she took from the robber all those years ago.

She went down to the basement unmolested. It felt strangely anticlimactic; she had come so far, planned so much, only to be crushed beneath the ruthless inevitably of Instrumentality. And then, to walk away so brazenly, carrying a gun in one hand and her daughter in the other, seemed just wrong.

There was a click of a gun. Rei froze. She turned, slowly, and found a laser-sight aimed between her breasts. Wielding it was none other that Toji Suzahara, with hair rumpled, and a glare of madness in his eyes.

"Trying to get out?" he asked, in surprisingly lucid tones.

Rei did not reply.

"We all signed on to this together."

Rei bit back a response. She knew exactly where to poke a proverbial sharp stick, but she had to pick precisely the right moment.

"Everyone. You, me… those ex-Nerv people who are dieing one by one in the upper levels. After Third Impact, we all cut that sign into our skin."

Silence rang through the halls.

"So? You've nothing to say? Angel got your tongue?"

"I realized something, Suzahara."

"What's that?"

"Any change facilitated by Ikari cannot be undone. In order to undo the changes, we must make changes of our own," she began walking forward, ignoring the trembling gun. "Furthermore, we only exist as a result of Ikari's tampering. To undo it would destroy ourselves." She was very close now. She recognized it as one of the MP5s formerly carried by the JSSDF. "You will never be reunited with Hikari. Never. You are separated by the one uncrossable river, a fissure in time." The gun was pressed against her skin now. It was cold as winter. "You are doomed, Suzahara."

Toji's eyes widened. "But-" He stepped back, aiming the gun away. "That can't be-"

Rei seized her chance. She drew her gun with lightning speed and fired before Toji could even realize what happened. As the gunshot rung away, he fell to the ground, most of his face gone. The baby girl began to cry.

-

Shinji was lying in bed, having an obscene dream about Rei. Rei, the only woman he had ever come to love. But he supposed he loved Misato too, in an entirely different way, and even Asuka, in yet another. But Rei was the one he wanted hold and cradle and sleep with. Rei was the one he adored.

He was awoken by the sound of rapid breathing. He looked beside him and saw Asuka lying there, gasping in air.

"Asuka…"

There was no reply.

"Asuka!"

"Water… broken…" she wheezed. Filled with dread, Shinji reached up and turned on the light.

Asuka's yellow nightgown had water around her crotch, staining it into a dark mustard shade. She was already covered with sweat.

"Why didn't you wake me sooner?" Shinji asked.

"Get… Misato… you… idiot… or I'll…"

Shinji had hurried out before Asuka could finish the threat.

-

Ritsuko was not a midwife.

Though she had been there and Shinji's birth. Admittedly, she had not wanted to attend, but for whatever reason her mother dragged her along to see it. She distinctly remembered him as a squalling, red-faced baby, who would only be silenced by his mother.

And here she was, at the birth of yet another baby, this time as the only trained doctor in the entire facility.

She bit her lip. Obviously, almost anyone with a medical degree had at least some knowledge of birthing children. Hell, just about everyone had some knowledge of delivering a baby. But at that precise moment, she felt like the most ignorant person on the planet, shiny diplomas and all.

Well, there was one thing to be thankful for. There was an ultrasound machine in the basement – lord knows why the stocked it there – and they could use it to take a look. It looked like any other baby, but examining the graph, Ritsuko's Impact-battered memory conjured an image very similar to this one, though she could not pinpoint where it came from.

One thing was certain, though. This baby had Angel DNA; Asuka had it, ergo the baby would. And Shinji… Shinji had it too, albeit to a much higher degree. So what was being born here? The nineteenth angel, or her former lover's grandson? Ritsuko hated dilemmas, which is perhaps why she had almost failed the ethics class in med school.

Before too long a problem presented itself, If she gave Asuka morphine (it was all they had) and cooked the baby alive, maybe the Children (ha-ha) would hate her… or maybe they would thank her. And then, another problem opened up.

Ritsuko was peering between Asuka's legs, ignoring the steady cacophony of shouting from the redhead, and saw that something was not quite right. The cervix was not dilated, not nearly enough. No dilation meant no normal delivery, and that meant a c-section, but without any painkillers.

Asuka was screaming like a banshee. Covering her ears, Ritsuko took a brief leave of her small core of nurses, left the room, and approached Misato and Shinji, who were watching through the plexiglass window.

"Well…" Ritsuko began, wiping sweat from her brow. "We have a problem."

"What?" asked Misato, visibly worried.

"We don't have any painkillers except morphine, which can create complications."

"So? Don't give them to her."

"Ah… about that…" Ritsuko said. "You have to understand, it looks like this is going to be a difficult birth… Asuka's contractions aren't going properly."

There was a silence.

"Look, this is what I'm saying: we won't be able to deliver the baby normally. For whatever reason, the cervix is not dialating."

There was a silence.

"Hell, do I have to spell it out? We need to do a c-section and I can't risk giving her any of the painkillers that we have!"

Misato was horrified. "But that would kill her!" she spluttered, feeling a little sick at the very thought.

"Not necessarily," Ritsuko said, quietly. "There's no reason she should not survive. We can stop the bleeding, and we have the equipment to care for her afterwards. I can promise you that it will not be a pleasant experience, though."

Misato bit her lip, thoughts playing through her head.

"I don't think we have any choice," Shinji said, gloomily. "We do the c-section, and she has a chance of living and the baby has a guarantee of living. We don't, and both will probably die. There's nothing to discuss."

Both women looked long and hard at the boy. He was still dressed in his old school uniform, frayed and ancient though it was. He had an expression of resignation on his face, a kind of 'there's nothing to be done.' While not incorrect, this sudden display of decisiveness seemed strangely… out of character.

"I'll talk to Asuka," said Misato, quietly.

Sound did not carry through the heavy window, so Shinji could only watch as Misato explained the situation to Asuka. The redhead first looked frightened, then horrified, then vicious. She started shouting words Shinji could not hear. Misato left the room, an exhausted expression on her face. "She agreed."

-

_Eternity's a terrible thought. I mean, where's it all going to end?  
-Tom Stoppard_


	22. TwentyTwo

"Twenty-two."  
-

"_I find it kinda funny,  
I find it kinda sad,  
The dreams in which I'm dieing are the best I've ever had."  
-Roland Orzabal _

Shinji watched them cut Asuka open. He had to repress some paternal instinct to rush and make them stop; however, he felt, just as he had all his life, a terrible sense of powerlessness hanging off of him, a basic inability to do anything, that paralyzed him. He hated it, oh how he hated it!

During the entire horrifying procedure Asuka never once screamed. Though she came close more than a few times, she never opened her mouth and actually let loose with a howl of pain. After what felt like hours they finally removed the child. Shinji looked at the clock and saw that it had only been fifteen minutes. Asuka was, much to his surprise, not covered in blood and nowhere near dieing. He stepped into the room before they put her under, and she looked at him with such utter hatred that he recoiled.

-

Shinji's nose was pressed against the plexiglass. It was difficult to think of the sleeping newborn sitting in the plastic crib as his own flesh and blood. His young son had the beginnings of red hair and a soft, babyish face. Shinji morbidly reflected that the child looked more like Asuka than him. Typical. Surrounding the baby were the other occupants of the children's ward, the six or so other babies born after Third Impact.

Misato stepped beside him. "How are you doing?"

"He's mine…" muttered Shinji, barely hearing the question. "I never wanted a son…"

"You have one," Misato replied, eyes fixed on the defenseless newborn. "You are bound to its fate. Its life is your life. When it is cut, you bleed."

Shinji processed this in the inner recesses of his mind.

"Aren't you going to hold it?"

Shinji was not listening.

"Or are you just going to turn into your father?"

Shinji was shocked by the attack. His fingers slid down the glass, tensing as they did so. "I am not my father."

"Then quit acting like him." It killed Misato to do this – it was hypocritical and cruel. However, there were other things to consider, such as this nameless, defenseless newborn.

Slowly, Shinji started moving. First, he drew his face away from the glass. Then, he walked to the door and entered the small room. And, moving very slowly, he picked up his only child. Misato was stunned; his fear of becoming his father had caused a complete 180 in Shinji's behavior.

The baby, however, remained asleep.

-

He was there the first time she drifted back consciousness. There was the little child in his arms, still asleep. Asuka had difficulty believing that the little creature had come from her; she, who had never wanted children.

"He doesn't have a name," mused Shinji, looking at the tiny boy's closed eyes.

"Call him whatever you want," Asuka said, harshly.

"I thought you wanted to name him Nagisa, if he was a boy."

"I don't care anymore. Call him whatever you like."

"I think I'll call him Ryoji."

Asuka looked up at him, blue eyes dull. "Shinji," she began. She continued to stare at him, the rusty gears of thought turning in the back of her head, "You're an idiot." She then faded back into a drug-induced sleep.

-

Shinji stayed up with his new ward much of the night, occasionally feeding it the 'formula' that Ritsuko had concocted. It bore a disturbing resemblance to LCL, but he doled it out anyway. He sat in an uncomfortable chair by Asuka's bedside, never leaving, never changing the blank expression on his face. Shinji knew, by some strange instinct, when the child needed feeding; the young one never once needed to cry out.

This deeply unsettled Misato.

She was watching them through a window, standing outside of the little makeshift recovery ward. Why would Shinji stand by Asuka now? He had gone from callous to caring after one scolding… there was something else at work here…

"Looks like the most natural thing in the world," Ritsuko mused, stepping in beside her.

"Rits," began Misato, "Have you ever cared for a baby?"

"I can't say that I have, aside from holding Shinji once when he was little."

Misato turned to her. "You _held_ Shinji?"

"For about five seconds, when I was sixteen. He started bawling for his mother after that."

Misato laughed mirthlessly, looking back to the two teenagers and their offspring. "Well, I babysat once or twice when I was a kid, about their age, and I watched my aunt and uncle care for their children, and I can safely say that this is not natural. Parents are attentive to their children, but this… this is telepathy! Shinji can anticipate his son's needs almost as soon as they are felt."

"It's vaguely… angelic," mused Ritsuko.

"Don't even suggest it," said Misato, darkly.

"Hey, if we have the Eighteenth Angel on our hands, I think we ought to know about it," she replied, defensively. "Just let me take a little blood. I can get it without even waking him up, test for waveform patterns."

Misato stared at the reflective metal floor for a long tie. Finally, she said, "You'd have to ask Shinji."

Ritsuko stared. "Umm… alright…" She could not recall exchanging a single word with the Third Child, not since Third Impact. Quietly, she gathered up the small syringe and entered.

Shinji looked up as the door swung open. Misato continued to observe as she had for… however long Shinji had been sitting in there.

"Dr. Akagi?" he asked, slowly.

"Don't call me doctor," she replied, dryly. "Everyone stopped caring about that shit disappeared a long time ago."

"What should I call you?"

"Ritsuko, if you want," replied the blonde, coolly. "Shinji, I would like to take a sample of your son's blood. It will be quite painless."

Shinji gave her a bleary-eyed stare. "Why?"

"Umm… I just want to make sure that it doesn't have any… genetic defects."

Shinji was too tired to notice the hesitation in her voice, or even formulate any suspicion about her motives. He simply lifted the baby up and Ritsuko took a syringeful of blood. The child did not even twitch. The doctor made for the door, but turned back as she reached it.

"Does he have a name yet?" Ritsuko asked.

Shinji glanced at Asuka's sleeping form. "Ryoji."

Ritsuko made no comment.

-

Asuka finally opened her eyes. She was floating through the darkness, content in the silence. Then, without warning, she was amongst the living again. She looked to her side and saw Shinji sitting there, dull-eyed.

Communicating her very feelings, she reached out for her child. Shinji gave it up without a fight. And then the most natural thing in the world did happen: Asuka breastfed the little one.

-

Elsewhere, an elder Rei waited for the world to end, her baby clutched in her arms. Her little one was the only thing she had left, and it was there, comfortable in her arms. She thought of how dearly she loved it, how dearly she had fought for its future, but to no avail.

Oh well.


	23. TwentyThree

**A/N:** The story's almost over, though it may not seem like it. All will be revealed next chapter.

"Twenty-three"  
-

"_This is the way the world ends  
This is the way the world ends  
This is the way the world ends  
Not with a bang but a whimper."_  
- T.S. Eliot

Shinji looked out over the empty beach. Here he was, suddenly gripped by doubt, right when triumph was so close. To change everything was to 'unmake' his son, which pushed against all of his animal instincts. To not change everything was to condemn Asuka to a lifetime of a child she did not want, and to be separated from Rei for the rest of time. It left him there, indecisive.

Behind him stretched the scarred ruins of Tokyo-3. It had been like this on his arrival; this meant that the sixteenth Angel had come and gone, and Rei was in a strange limbo between life and death. All Shinji had to work with was his thoughts.

"Hello," said a soft voice That would be Kaworu. Shinji turned his head and saw-

"Who are you?" he asked, startled. There was a girl sitting there, in a nondescript grey uniform. She had short blue hair, cut in a bob, a lean figure, and a round face. As she looked towards him, she revealed a pair brown eyes – like his.

"Hello," she replied.

Shinji could not contain his surprise. "Where did you come from?"

"The same place you did."

"But…"

"Well, that might not be completely true. I come from the same direction as you. Not the same place – just a similar one."

Shinji narrowed his eyes. "Who are you?"

She leapt down from the ruined piece of debris. "My name is Yui. I was named for your mother, you know."

Shinji narrowed his eyes. "Then you're a time traveler? Like me?"

"Yes. My mother was supposed to stop your fucking-up timelines, but she could not bring herself to pull the trigger." Shinji took a step back. "I can." She withdrew a handgun from within her shirt and aimed it squarely between Shinji's eyes. The boy looked up at her.

"I never wanted to hurt anyone."

"You did," she said, voice soft yet dripping with anger. "You hurt my mother. You left her raw and bleeding."

"I'm- I'm-"

"My father, yes," she said, "You my created me, through Rei Ayanami. My name is Yui Ayanami."

Shinji's head reeled. "I would never hurt Rei!"

"Oh, but you will. Maybe it won't be your fault, like how mama always insisted," she hissed. "I don't care. There are other reasons to kill you."

The crack of a gunshot split the evening. The crows jumped from the perches. Shinji stumbled back, eyes wide, his shoulder screaming in pain. A red dampness spread across his shirt, as if a wet something had landed there. The force of the object knocked him backwards, into a tiny inlet in the lake. Yui watched him fall, and when he was completely motionless, looked down at herself. As the seconds ticked past, a sickening realization spread through her – why was she not gone? Why was she still alive? When Shinji died the entire timeline should have imploded into nothing, and take her with it… but why was it not happening? Why was she still here?

She jumped up and turned around. But she found she was not alone; several red laser-dots appear on her chest. The men in suits were standing there, guns trained on her.

"You are to come with us," they said, icily. Yui glanced around. There was only one way out. "Come down, slowly, with your hands over your head.

"Goodbye." Yui fell over backwards, into the water. Several bullets whizzed past her, ineffectually. She hit the water, and everything went dark.

-

Shinji was in a strange and dark place. There was nothing; there were not even any directions, just blackness. He tried to move, but it did not feel like he was moving. This was a true, empty void.

"Maybe this is hell," Shinji said, but there was no noise, for the only thing in the void was himself. He did not even need to breathe.

-

Asuka cradled her baby. This was how it was going to end, was it? A Fourth Impact?

She sat under an old piece of debris – maybe a donut store, or a motel, or some crap like that. Ryoji was in her arms, asleep, blissfully unaware of the strange white energy-pillar falling from the sky. No one knew what it was, but Asuka, with her bizarre relationship with Shinji, was aware of it all, at an unconscious level. This was the end, finally, now that the world was down Fate was kicking it mercilessly.

This is what Asuka thought. She was almost completely wrong, but we must give her credit for the little bit of understanding she did achieve.

-

_Gasp!_

Shinji sat up and found that he was lying on something cold and hard, but he could not figure out what. His body seemed to be dead, but his mind still trapped inside of it. As his optical nerves flared to life, he found he could open eyes. They flickered open, and they saw a mysterious shape… was it…

"Rei… is that you?"

It was just the right coloration of skin, just the right shade of red for the eyes…

"Not her, I'm afraid. My name is Kaworu. Who are you?"

"Huh…?"

Shinji sat up as his vision pulled into focus. Sure enough, there was Nagisa Kaworu, supposedly the Fifth Child.

"You're… Kaworu?" he asked, dazed.

"Yes. Are you Third?"

"Yeah… I'm him. Shinji Ikari."

"It's nice to meet you," Kaworu said, pleasantly.

Shinji took a closer look at his surroundings. There were dozens of tiny doors along cold, steel walls – like the doors of a microwave, except without the window. There were several icy, steel tables across the room, all glistening menacingly. Suddenly, he hit him.

"Kaworu?"

"Yes?"

"Where am I?"

"The morgue."

-


	24. TwentyFour

(Twenty-four: The End)

"_Is there life before death?"  
-Anonymous_

"_Time is just something that we assign. You know, past, present, it's just all arbitrary. Most Native Americans, they don't think of time as linear; in time, out of time, I never have enough time, circular time, the Stevens wheel. All moments are happening all the time."  
-Robin Greene and Mitchell Burgess _

-

Shinji was looking out over the balcony. He hadn't gone to the future in almost a week… What did this mean? Was that line of possibilities finally 'gone'? If so, he could not ward off an interminable sense of guilt, as if he had murdered everyone he had ever known…

But that was silly, right?

"Hey." Shinji looked around and saw Misato approaching him from behind. The woman looked somber. "What's up?"

"I dunno."

"Umm…" Misato looked away.

"What's wrong?"

"Look… you know how Rei's in the ICU?"

Shinji felt his chest tighten. "What?"

Misato looked at him straight on. "She went into cardiac arrest early this morning. It doesn't look good."

-

Shinji pressed his nose right up against the glass. Rei was lying there, bandaged, her eyes closed. "Is she…?"

"Dead?" Ritusko replied, dully. "Not yet." She looked tired and broken.

"Then what's wrong with her?"

"It's hard to explain. She's suffered minor brain damage as a result of her heart attack… and now… well…"

"She might never wake up…" Shinji finished.

"Perhaps."

Shinji turned to face Misato. "I'm going to stay here, tonight."

Misato opened her mouth to protest, but something stopped her. After a few moments' deliberation, she acquiesced.

-

Shinji rested his head on her stomach. She was so soft there; she felt so weak and fragile, like something to be protected. His fingers were intertwined with hers, searching for the slightest sign of motion. Rei's eyes remained shut… she looked so serene… But she couldn't sleep forever… could she…?

He heard a thud in the distance. Then two more. A muffled cry, and then silence. Baffled, Shinji got up and walked to the door, and pushed it open.

Outside was a massacre – nurses, orderlies, doctors and Section 2 agents were strewn about the hallway, blown apart by gunfire. Shinji whirled around, nearly slipping in the blood. Standing behind him was Yui Ayanami, leaning on a wall.

"This is how it ends," she said, flatly. "I've already killed the Fifth, no need to worry about him. She took a bullet out of her pocket and pulled the slide back on the gun, revealing a point for bullets to be inserted individually. Pressing it in, the slide snapped back into position.

"This is my last shell," she said, flatly. "It was made for you. With love."

Shinji turned and ran.

-

They shot through the late-night streets of Tokyo-3, the wolf and the deer. Shinji cut through an alley. It was lined with graffiti: GOD LAUGHS AT YOU, everywhere, in simple yellow paint. Shinji sprinted between the words, covering his head. Yui was hot on his heels, gun raised. Shinji zigzagged through the alley, keeping the gun from getting a bead on him.

Emerging from the other end, Shinji ran through the unfamiliar streets, the future-wolf hot on his heels. There was only the screaming of his muscles and the fear of death, in the tiny world of his mind. In the distance loomed the construction site, a very familiar construction site. Not sure of where he was going, the time traveler dodged towards it, closely pursued by his daughter.

He fled along the road until he reached the building site. Moving along its side, he suddenly saw Yui scale the fence. He dodged in among the red iron beams, moving towards a makeshift stairwell. Moving up with agility and power he never knew he had, he reached the second floor and crossed the floor towards the next stairwell. However, as he crossed the third floor, a gunshot cut across his hearing. He felt pain blossom in his leg, and he fell over, blood spilling from the wound.

Yui tossed the gun aside. Its slide was pulled back and locked; it would never fire again. She advanced on Shinji, pulling a sharp piece of metal out of her pocket as she did so. "You could bleed to death," she mused, "But I'm not in the mood to take a chance. She looked at her reflection in the shiny metallic surface. "You know, I killed a kinsmen with this."

"Why?" croaked Shinji, agony blighting his thoughts.

"Why what?" asked Yui.

"Why all of this?"

She gave him a long, hard look. "You really don't know?"

"How would I?"

"All right, maybe I'll explain." She looked up at the precarious collection of iron beams and concrete that made up the next floor. "Reality isn't real. It's that simple. Granddad thought that he was doing away with all the lies, but he was really digging us in deeper with his 'Human Instrumentality.' My mother sought to fix that. You see, there's a singular artifact that's holding this feux-reality together."

"Huh?"

"The gun, you see, was given to me by my mother. She told me she took it from a bad man, and that it was our job to clear the hatred and evil from that gun. I never quite figured out what that meant."

"Please… I just want to know what's going on! I want the truth!"

"You really want to know? Fine then. You never-"

_CRACK!_

Shinji flinched as the cinderblock connected with her skull. The girl keeled over, dead before she was born. Rei stood over the body, the bloody weapon in her hands, her face shadowed in the late-night hour.

"Rei…?

It was also the precise hour when Yui Ayanami was conceived in a hotel outside of Tokyo-3.

-

When Shinji woke up, he looked around and saw that Rei had already clothed herself and left; she had also folded up his own school uniform and left it neatly on a nearby table. As he approached, he saw two pink pills there and a note lying there.

It was a very simple note.

"God laughs at you." In yellow ink.

"What is this…?" the boy muttered.

He turned it over. Emblazoned there was an order, also in yellow. "Reject Instrumentality."

"I already- I already-" Shinji burbled to an empty room. "But…"

"It's very simple," the older Rei said, flatly. Shinji whirled around; the older woman had emerged from the closet, where she had presumably been hiding for quite some time. "A double Instrumentality is the end of everything."

"A double…" Shinji began, mind racing.

"If the artifact dies, so does Instrumentality."

"Huh…?"

"It's very simple," elder-Rei said. "You have to kill yourself."

Shinji's eyes widened. "Why?"

"You have to collapse this. Or else everyone dies."

Shinji looked to the two capsules, glistening gently in the moonlight that peeked between the curtains. "But… Rei would be heartbroken."

"The Rei you created will cease to exist. Everything will cease to exist. You might live on, in some other place. I do not know."

Shinji turned away from her, still naked. "But…"

"This is one world of many. If you do not do this, everyone everywhere dies. If you do, you might die. The course of action is obvious."

"But you said that everyone would cease to exist."

"Yes. They are hallucinations and fantasies. You never rejected Human Instrumentality, you just dreamed that you did."

Shinji stared at the pill. "Why are there two?"

"One for you," Rei said, quietly, "One for me."

The Third gave her a surprised look. "You'd die by me…?"

She walked forward, boots soundless on the carpet, until she was right in front of him. "I always knew that I would."

She put her arms around his shoulders and pressed his lips to hers. As they parted, she murmured, "This is how it ends, Shinji."

The boy looked at the pills, before taking the left one and popping in his mouth. Rei did likewise with the remaining one, and they embraced for as long as they could. When they could no longer stand, they went over arms entwined, and when the light of the electric pulses finally flickered out in their fragile brains, everyone flickered out in Shinji's fragile delusion, and everything was gone.

For now.

**  
F  
I  
N  
I  
S  
H  
…**


End file.
